Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
