can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
