No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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