At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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