Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize