I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just found puke in my bra..
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
