My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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