Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
