Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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