yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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