I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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