i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
