Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
i now understand why vodka
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
