I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he was CRYING into my vagina
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
