the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
