At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Shame is for Republicans.
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