you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
