He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Randomize
