Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
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Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
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Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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