if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
