pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We don't watch enough power rangers
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
