Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
