I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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