for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
