Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
the liver wants what the liver wants
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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