I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.