One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless