I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
