i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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