Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"