4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I wish I could teleport
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Found the puke drawer
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president