And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
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