we made out on top of his cat.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
