So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
ugly people sure do ruin things
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
