He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
