the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
