She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
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i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
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Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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