This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
