what day is it and did you see me today?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
