we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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