She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
she told me i tasted like america
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
