I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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