I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
