Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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