I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
