you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Mom said you looked used
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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