haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
