I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
PANTIES FOUND
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