i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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