so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I touched a dick in church today
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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