She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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