I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize