ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
