Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
