My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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