A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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