hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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