she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
