So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
