its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
