Just fell off a train. Bad.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
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just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
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I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
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