Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
