They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
