I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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