is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
