the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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