She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
So. Much. Porn.
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