too bad you live with your parents still
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
