I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
