The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
