i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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