you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize