oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
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