Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
