this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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