she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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