it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
