apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
