Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
