i barfeds in our rink
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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