Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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