he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize